Wednesday, October 17, 2007

One Year DTC: Some Thoughts

It was one year ago today that we were DTC for our second adoption from China. At that time, the most recent batch of referrals contained 18 days worth of log in dates (LIDs) and the wait was 14 months from LID to referral.

What I wouldn’t give to see that now. The seven most recent batches have contained single digits of LIDs and the wait is now about two years. All signs are pointing toward fewer Chinese children adopted into American families this year (FY 2007) than last, and 2006 was down about 1,500 from 2005. Factor in China’s booming economy, making it possible for more families to pay the fine for multiple children, and the prospect of adopting a second child by 2008 looks bleak. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that more children are staying with their families or being adopted domestically in China. It’s not. It’s just that you plan on a certain time frame and when it looks like it will be pushed back by a number of years, you start to wonder: How long is too long?

I turn 44 this Saturday. I know plenty of folks who became parents in their 40s. I don’t feel old, but I haven’t kept up with my running and for the first time I am starting to feel my age (even if I don’t act it!). The pants are a little tighter, the wrinkles more numerous, the hair a bit grayer. It’s all there. End-of-life issues are starting to work their way into my thinking: Wills. Retirement. Early-bird specials. I know I shouldn’t worry about those things yet, but I do. I worry about depriving a child of a parent, a child who has already experienced abandonment once. Maybe it’s because my own mom and dad were in their 60s when they died. It definitely makes you think.

On the other hand, we are lucky to have the daughter we do have. Ally is growing into a beautiful, intelligent young lady and we couldn’t be more proud. She talks about getting a sister from China. We haven’t really emphasized the second adoption, but she knows. Recently, for the first time, I’ve begun wondering what would happen if we didn’t, or couldn’t, adopt again. It’s already been a year and it will, in all likelihood, take at least another year, probably more. Can we live with that? Perhaps, but I wouldn’t want to. Right now, we’re in it for as long as China will keep the door open. I just wish they’d open it a little wider.

P.S.: Sorry for the dearth of posts the past couple of weeks. It's been a busy October, but I expect a bunch of stories coming up in November for National Adoption Month.


Anonymous Robert H. Bolling said...

I prefer "blessed" to "lucky," but I know that's what you meant.

Speaking of the dearth of posts, did you ever comment on the situation with A&M and Coach Fran's little indiscretion with his special newsletter?

10:35 AM  
Blogger Ray said...

I'm at the point now where I really don't much care what happens to Coach Fran. This latest incident with the newsletter only adds to the frustration; how can this not be for any other purpose but gambling? Why would someone pay $1,200 to know how badly so-and-so is injured? It reeks.

R. C. Slocum is still alive. Bring him back.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Rosie said...

I think what you are feeling is what everyone is feeling who are now at one year and know we may have two more years to moves on...

10:29 AM  
Blogger Red Thread to my Daughter said...

Ray, This is definately our thoughts,already at 44 and having thought we would be bringing our daughter home by this summer. That is why we are trying to do a domestic adoption to see if that will happen quicker....hmmm. Good luck to you and hang in there.


4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a SN program in China, with lots of children waiting to be adopted. It is another option in your quest for family-building.

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Jolene said...

Reading what you wrote is like seeing my thoughts on paper. I'm quickly approaching 44 myself and we're at 16 months from LID for #2. We've been looking over our retirement acct, starting a will, working out on a reqular basis (when I can get myself out of bed), I even started using better skin care to keep those wrinkles at bay, even though it's taking more hair color to cover the grays. All the while, trying to keep up with my 3 year old without getting out the oxygen. I was prepared for a 1 1/2 year wait...but not this. It's hard, but we feel strongly that there is a little girl in China that is destined to be ours...we can't shake that we keep on with our day to day lives, all the while praying for our new little girl who is already so big in our hearts, even though we have no idea where she is or when we'll get there. Keep the faith...another child needs you as well.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Sheri said...

Hang in there, Ray!! And... keep an eye on the SN lists, if your agency has them. You never know where your child may be waiting! Hugs!!!

12:15 AM  

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